On Wednesday night's commute home, my car broke down. Multi-lane highway, not going anywhere, broke down.
I survived the complete break-down experience: obtaining emergency care for G (thanks Pam!), finding a tow truck, considering alternate transportation options, navigating the repair, etc. I've lived through worse, but it was definitely unpleasant.
On my arrival back home, G greeted me with his toy tow truck.
"How dat tow truck work Mama? Show me."
"And then what?"
"You tell me dat about da tow truck again?"
And again. And again.
Wistful despair overcame him. With great longing he said, "I wish I was dere for dat tow truck."
Moral: One man's lemon is another man's lemonade truck. Or something.
I've grabbed 2 books for G to read while we wait.
I survey the line and know that I've been optimistic. We're facing a 50 book wait.
G plops down in the middle of the dirty floor to "read."
Other children are standing in line.
One boy - a big boy - 9 years old? - is sitting on the only chair.
The boy moves to stand with his mother, and I suggest to G that he take the chair.
G stirs, but immediately the boy jumps & dashes back to claim "his" chair. He throws a triumphant glance at G.
This has no impact on G. He sits & reads.
The minutes pass.
The boy is again standing with his mother.
I notice that G is moving towards the chair.
The boy notices too. He makes a dash, bumps into a man, continues his scurry towards the chair.
Too late. G is sitting.
I watch the boy loom over my son. The boy twists his face into an intimidating glare, which he locks on G.
I watch.
G meets the boy's eyes. G shows no fear. No doubt. No tension. With pure confidence, G states: "Don't look at me."
The boy shrinks back and returns to his mother.
Spending his first 3+ years in a Haitian orphanage, there are many lessons that my son didn't learn. Self defense he learned very very well.
Don't mess with my kid.
Do you remember that G's previous babysitter, Ms L, quit early last December?
I'm not sure that I blogged about it. In my journal, I wrote that I was "too overwhelmed to breathe."
That feeling lasted for one night, and then God brought me another babysitting prospect.
Mr. Peter (college student) - found the same night I started searching - seemed too good to be true, so I didn't even let myself believe it.
This is his 6th week with us, so maybe I can start to accept it.
I can work. G has fun, safe care. In our home. And I can afford it. G asks for Mr. Peter on Saturdays, which seems to be a good sign. Mr. Peter has worked around our school / surgery schedule.
It's been great.
AND
There's this other perk.
Seriously, this is our 6th week with Mr. Peter, and I'm just starting to believe that this may be for real.
Mr. Peter's mother has been bringing us dinner. Once or twice a week. Just to be nice. No strings attached. An example:
Uh - delicious - right?!
Oh, but don't forget dessert:
Because I usually make something like homemade strawberry cheesecake with every meal. Riiiight.
Recap: Perfect babysitter + delicious dinners + 6 weeks to adjust = joy.
Dear God,
I love Mom.
And I love Joseph.
Help Joseph to get back home.
Amen.
Wouldn't you know that G's cold cleared up just in time for this morning's procedure?
Another miracle.
It was quite the smooth experience.
His surgeon said that the retina looks good - yay!
Scar tissue has formed "in the middle" - boo! I wish I would've asked more questions on this one. We've learned that scar tissue can pull up the retina. And we've learned that the middle of the eye is critical for vision. But maybe she meant the middle of his lens.
Anyway. She doesn't want to see G for another 2 months, which I took as a good sign.
It's enough for me to celebrate tonight.
More & more, G's eye is teaching me not to worry about tomorrow.
And that's another reason to celebrate.
G woke up this morning and laughed: "Listen to my voice Mama!"
He's congested and thinks he sounds funny.
I'm not amused.
His procedure is coming up in just a couple of days. He needs to be healthy if he'll be allowed under anesthesia.
PLEASE pray that he gets healthy in time.
We did get to see different doctors this week. They said that his eye pressure is up to 11 (it had been way too scary-low)! He has vision in the bad eye... 20/125... and it may still improve! They kept saying that his progress looked "good." I kept thinking it seemed "great."
That's the update. Please remember to keep praying. Thanks!
Many of our days include distinct highs and lows.
Let's focus on a high, shall we?
The other day I was blow drying my hair.
And blow drying.
And blow drying.
Mercy - it takes forever!
Finally I turned off the hair dryer and moved to brush my teeth.
Ever present, G asked, "You done dat job, Mama?"
"Not really, G. My hair is still a little wet, but I'm out of time. That will have to be good enough."
"What about I can blow on it?"
... and he did... puffing up his little cheeks and gently blowing on the ends of my hair.
I've been struggling a bit lately.
Or - truth - quite a bit.
It's been a long two years.
I know that I could have it much, much worse. My life is fine. But it feels like I'm in my own serious march across a long desert.
That's often a good time to invest in reading a biography, eh? I hadn't read anything but my bible in a long while, but last weekend opened Joni Eareckson Tada's biography Joni.
I wanted to share the best parts with you.
To understand, you must know that Joni was injured in a diving accident and went from being a very active young woman to being one who would spend the rest of her life without the use of her hands, arms, and legs. She may have those limitations, but they certainly haven't curtailed her impact on the world. Through her sufferings, she shares terrific truths & encouragement.
At one point, Joni's father tells her:
"Look, how many times have you heard somebody - we've done it ourselves many times - pray piously: 'Lord, I'm such a sinner. I deserve hell and Your worst condemnation. Thank You for saving me.' We tell God in one breath that we aren't worthy of His goodness. Then, if we happen to run into some trouble or suffering, we get bitter and cry out against God: 'Lord, what are You doing to me?!' Y'see? I think that if we admit we deserve the worst - hell - and then only get a taste of it by having to suffer, we ought to try somehow and live with it, don't you?"
(His point not being that Joni deserved her suffering but that God was allowing it and we can trust that He knows what He is doing.)
Later, Joni writes: "Fantasies of having physical feeling and touch were no longer necessary because I learned that I was only temporarily deprived of these sensations. The Bible indiates that our bodies are temporal. Therefore, my paralysis was temporal. When my focus shifted to this eternal perspective, all my concerns about being in a wheelchair became trivial."
"Steve helped me end my cycle of peaks and valleys of spiritual progress. 'Set your heart on things above,' he read from Colossians 3, 'and not on the passing things of earth."
"'Irritations come through circumstances and people,' Diana reminded us after one of the sessions. 'That's why it's important not only to endure, but to respond with a godly attitude."
"'Lord,' I prayed, 'what is happening to the excellent gift I read about in Your Word? What are you doing?' I recalled passages from the Gospels in which Peter and John questioned Jesus as I was now doing. 'What is that to me?' was the Lord's simple, blunt reply. Jesus didn't coddle Peter or allow him to indulge in self-pity. The Lord said, in essence, 'What do you care? It doesn't matter. You keep your eyes on me.' I learned that God's truth is not always kind or comfortable. Sometimes His love for us involves harshness or stern reproof."
"I really began to see suffering in a new light - not as trials to avoid, but as opportunities to 'grab,' because God gives so much of His love, grace, and goodness to those who do."
"Wisdom is trusting God, not asking 'Why, God?' Relaxed and in God's will, I know He is in control. It is not a blind, stubborn, stoic acceptance, but getting to know God and realize He is worthy of my trust. Although I am fickle and play games, God does not; although I have been up and down, bitter and doubting, He is constant, ever-loving."
Wherever you are today, those are encouraging words, aren't they?
