Sacrifice & Love

I spoke (wrote) too soon.

That first six days of post-surgery peace were a miracle.

But no sooner had I written about it, than G's internal switch flipped to "fight."  He literally turned to me and said, "I gonna fight you," and we were back to dancing - trying to help him maintain his peace.

At one point, he was thrashing out with everything he had.  Normally, I would sit and hold him on my lap and help him ride it out.  Instead, I was trying to keep him facedown, for the sake of his eye. 

Picture me lying on my back, hugging him to my chest, while he's rampaging.  He has no comprehension that with every "fight" he is putting himself at greater & greater risk of losing his eye.  I, of course, have full comprehension, but I can.not.stop.him. 

I can try as hard as possible to communicate the risk to him.  I can stretch in every way to create an environment that sets him up for success.  As he succumbs to meltdown, I can hold him.  I can choose to hug him through every blow so that he recovers with the least damage possible.

I can try to do everything in my power to protect him.  But I cannot stop him from hurting himself.

I try not to post the ugly on our blog.  Everyone - all of us - have ugly that we choose & experience.  This ugly is not who G is.  It's just what he's having to get through now, as any of us have personal struggles to get through.

However, G is providing me with such a profound life lesson, that I feel I have to share it.  I want you to learn with me.

As I mother G through this time, I cannot escape thinking about Jesus.

When he lived on earth, Jesus considered a path that would cause him great pain, a path that may have appeared impossible.

He weighed it against his love for us.

He chose to step into it.

Without a single complaint.

He poured out a gift of love.

Living a patient life, teaching, providing example after example.

Sacrificing, even accepting death on a cross.

Because I didn't get it.  I don't get it.  Time & time again, I make wrong choices.  I do what I should not do.  I fight to do the very things that are condemning me.

And, in spite of all that, Jesus loves me fully & completely.  He sacrificed everything so that I could have life... a life I could not attain on my own.

As I would do anything for my son, as best I can, even as he fights against himself & against me... Jesus did everything for me.  Perfectly.  He saved me. 

He offers this free gift to everyone who is not at peace, to everyone who wants it.

I'm learning about sacrifice.  About love.

I'm grateful for that.