Reasons I loved Target tonight

G didn't nap at school today. 

This led to a less-than-enjoyable evening.

After school, I HAD to take him to Target to pick up his prescription.  A 10 minute drive.  During which he screamed for 9 1/2 minutes: "I NO WANNA GO TARGET!"  The last 30 seconds of the drive he konked out and fell into a deep sleep.

Which I had to wake him from.

Instead of carrying him into the store, I noticed a cart nearby (reason #1 why I loved Target tonight), and I decided to quickly swing him into it.  Best decision ever - as I noticed a certain wetness on my hand after plopping him in.  A wetness that had soaked through his pants.  But at least did not end up on me.

I immediately thought of the next youngster who would be plopped into this cart.  And his poor innocent mom.  Who probably left her Dunkin Donuts cup at the post office for my child to drink from, but STILL I do not wish her harm.  And I remembered that Target has sanitizing cart wipes by the entrance (reason #2 why I loved Target tonight).  Returning good for evil, that's me.

Because I went ahead and took G shopping.  Yep, with wet pants.  And, as I have mentioned, we do garner a bit of attention when we're out.  But the gawkers couldn't actually SEE the pants.  And I had gone through a lot of trouble to get there.  And I needed G's prescription.

You may have gathered by now that G is a little bit unpredictable.  Not much in the way of filters.  So I'm pushing G through the store and praying: God, please don't let G shout out something about having wet pants, pleeeeeze.  I'm sure I appeared perfectly natural as we navigated the store... my smile plastered in place, pushing the cart as fast as humanly possible, looking totally innocent, terrified that I was about to experience the Scene to end all Scenes.

I zipped over to the pharmacy section, cut across the lane, turned to get to the counter... and encountered two guys waiting in line.  I had never experienced a line here before.  That is one of the reasons I love Target.  But not tonight.  Still in my "innocent frantic mom" mode, I asked the guys: "Are you in line?"

I have already explained that they were clearly waiting in line.  They looked and there was an awkward pause.  I filled in: "I mean, obviously you are in line." 

One guy decides to rescue me: "Well, we could've just been standing here.  This is a nice aisle after all."

Guy #2 helps out: "Yeah, we've got analgesics, ointments, lots of great stuff right here."

(Friendly co-shoppers.  Reason #3 for loving Target.)

Gratefully, I jump in: "Yeah, I really should spend more time in this aisle myself."  Nervously mindful that I have engaged people in conversation while pushing my unpredictable sitting-in-potty-pants child.

Guy #1 looks at G: "Hey Buddy.  What's your name?"

(Me, silently: Oh no; oh no; pleeeeeeze.)

G: Silent.  Gives Guy a blank look of distaste.

(Me, hopefully: Hooray; he's doing his unresponsive thing)

Guy #1 becomes too friendly, thus threatening Target reason #3: "Buddy, what's your name?"

G: Pointing at Guy #2: "Yo bottom."

(Me: ohmygoodness ohmygoodness  He did NOT just point to the guy's rear end and proclaim: "Your bottom!"  What?!?!  Thank GOODNESS for his speech issues.  Thank GOODNESS that was unintelligible!) 

Guy #1: "Uh?  My bottom?"

(Me: stunned.  Where do I go?  What do I say?  I check out the guy's rear.  It is a nice bottom.  Although I hope my son wasn't noticing that.  I try to think of a witty joke about the guy's bottom.  Wittiness escapes me.  I have nothing.  I say nothing.  I am frozen.)

Guy #1 is frozen.  He slowly swivels back around.  He moves unnecessarily forward in line and slightly around a corner.

He does not make eye contact again.

We get our prescription, get out to the car, and sanitize the cart.  We have survived.

And for that, I loved Target tonight.